The decision.

I keep starting this blog and deleting whole sentences.  This time I'm going to write and not delete, except to correct mis-spellings, of course.

When I said she could stay at her dad's house for the school year I had hoped she would hate it.  I hoped she would want to run back to mama where life is safe and warm.  I hoped distance would make her realize how much I loved her.  I was wrong.

Skyler is succeeding at life while living with her dad.  She is happy and healthy and not ready to come back home to mama any time soon.  

I feel sorry for so many things.  

I'm sorry I didn't cook and serve dinner at the table more.  

I'm sorry we didn't do more as a family unit.

I'm sorry for any time she thinks back and wonders if I care enough.

Teenagers are evolving and growing every second.

I'm excited to spend Christmas with her.  

I'm excited to show her I cook good meals from scratch now and even have her help me.

I'm thrilled to decorate the tree with her and let her put up grandma's angel like she does every year.

I wonder what she will think about sleeping in her own room.

I'm ready for her to come home to mama.  For good.

Until that day, I watch from a distance, so proud to be her mom.